My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
