i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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