I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
