So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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