I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Randomize
