dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
