This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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