I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
