I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
