yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize