its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
