I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Randomize
