Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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