the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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