I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
