i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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