so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
