i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
did i walk over a car last night?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
