yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
