I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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