nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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