You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
