im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
