and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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