i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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