it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
