my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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