He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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