If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
