did you get engaged???
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
