dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
