Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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