just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
