I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
