found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
