Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize