what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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