I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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