I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
