you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
