Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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