I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
