he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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