I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
