OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
