In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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