I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
