My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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