Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
