I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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