All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
