Well apparently he's into motor boating.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
