LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
