Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
