I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize