Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
