You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's never too late to be topless.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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