He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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