So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
