According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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