I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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