how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
