No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
