Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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