His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
