That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
