Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize