He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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